I'm sick of you.
Yes, you.
The person who does nothing but criticize me, find fault with me, berate me, and keep telling me I'm not good enough.
Not smart enough, not funny enough,
Not patient enough, not respectful enough,
Don't call enough, don't care enough, don't share enough,
Not caring enough, not understanding enough, not there enough,
Not kind enough, not sensible enough, not mature enough, not witty enough,
Not slow enough, not fast enough,
Not thin enough, not cool enough, not stylish enough,
Not counter-culture enough, not dorky enough, not clever enough,
Not well-read enough, not well-connected enough,
Not religious enough, not conservative enough, not liberal enough,
Not aggressive enough, not mild enough,
Not follower enough, not subdued enough, not dumb enough.
I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment and that you consider me such a failure, but frankly, I don't give a fuck what you think anymore.
I'm sorry that you think I'm a bad person, a bad daughter, a bad sister, a bad wife, a bad daughter-in-law, a bad sister-in-law, a bad friend, a bad driver, a bad patient, a bad class-mate, a bad student, a bad co-worker, a bad citizen. But frankly, I don't give a fuck what you think anymore.
I'm sorry that my intelligence, wit and kindness don't meet your standards or that they intimidate you so much, the only way you can deal with your own insecurities is to tell me just how shite I am. But frankly, I don't give a fuck what you think anymore.
I'm sorry parents, siblings, and spouse; I'm sorry family and friends; classmates, coworkers and acquaintances; I'm sorry doctors and therapists, and people on the street. But frankly, I don't give a fuck what you think anymore.
Because I'm sick of you. I'm sick of smiling and apologizing, trying to understand and trying to make myself understood. I'm sick of being patient with and mature about your disgustingly high level of stupidity, immorality, pettiness, immaturity, arrogance and cruelty. I'm sick of taking the high road all the time and yet still be criticized for not being good enough, especially when you could never even be as close to how good I am if you were in my situation.
I'm sick of holding doors open for people, smiling at strangers, and apologizing when I bump your arm by mistake or accidentally cut ahead of you in line, because even though you'll never appreciate me for my acts of kindness or humility, you'll be sure to judge me and swear at me because I sneezed near you, or left my book bag on the seat next to me, or accidentally turned into a one-way street.
You don't want to know how I covered for your ineptitude, or left the room when people began backbiting about you, or stood up for you, or prayed for you, because you don't care about the good I do, you just want to tell me how awful I am and how I deserve all the unhappiness in the world. But frankly, I don't give a fuck what you think anymore.
Because I know what I am. And I know I'm good enough for me and that's all that matters. Please take your hang-ups, issues and opinions with you and shove them up your arse where they rightfully belong.
Because I know I'm more than good enough, I'm better than you, better than most people in this city, country and world. And I don't care if you agree or not because I know it and that's all that matters.
Honestly, it shocks me how you have the balls to tell me I'm not good enough when I can't remember when the last time you were any of the things you tell me I lack.
When was the last time you were kind to me? Nice to me? Called me? Cared about me? Helped me? Asked me how I was doing? Cooked for me? Helped me move? Helped me study? Helped me put together my broken heart and my broken life and my broken home into some semblance of normal? When was the last time you told me I looked nice? Or that I did good? Or that you need me, appreciate me, love me, are proud of me, are happy for me?
So please, all of you "well-wishers" who want to "help" me be "better" with your "constructive criticism". Piss off. Go fix your own lives, see how broken your own value systems and attitudes are, and worry about the damage you're causing to the world simply by being in it.
Fuck you. And fuck you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And especially YOU.
Seriously? FUCK OFF.
