I'm so tired. Just so so tired. Tired of wanting and waiting; tired of not speaking and not knowing; tired of living a half life of uncertainty, confusion and self-sabotage; tired of lacking self esteem and will power; tired of parsing right from wrong; tired of constantly disappointing myself, despite very low expectations, and falling to ever deeper levels of self loathing and disgust; tired of the tears and headaches, chest pains and binge eating; tired of being.

I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I want to get into a shower and never get out. I love this city, but I can't live here anymore. I want to get out of here, move away, go some place else, a place where I know no one, and nobody knows me. I want to go to the top of a snowy mountain in the Himalayas and do nothing but soak in the natural beauty, pray for serenity, let the cold numb all my senses, and then wait until my soul succumbs at its appointed time so I can go join my Maker and finally say farewell to this meaningless blip of a life full of pain and loss and enter the eternal afterlife, the only place I'll be able to find true, real happiness and peace.

I'm physically, mentally, emotionally.. simply.. exhausted. I'm done, man. I'm done. I'm so done.