Brides-Eye-View

So I have finally tied the knot. A year, five months and five days after meeting Sarwar, I married him. A year of planning and anticipating is now over. Hmm.

Can't honestly say how I feel about it. I'm still a little dazed and confused from the experience of the last 3 weeks, a little of which was blogged previously. I've had an upset stomach for almost the entire time (still do) and my eyebrows are too thin now, but the zit on my forehead cleared up miraculously thanks to the beautician at Depilex. Too stubborn to move, the once-a-zit scar on the cheek remains, a sign from God to remind me that perfection is impossible (though I try damn well to achieve it).

So - since the last blog, I have had three huge sangeet dinners at my house (the cousins/relatives issue got sorted eventually after a sibling went missing due to frustration, shattered glass and a broken vacuum cleaner), a mehendi, the shadi, the valima, a week at the sasuraal and a 24 hour trip back to Chicago, after which I sit benumbed and exhausted at my computer at work trying to do 15 days of missed work since my back-up didn't bother to do her job.

The mehendi was fun, a good walk-up to the actual event as we got used to coordinating things, wearing tikas on foreheads and looking far more dressed up than usual. I was quite harried, though, for no reason at all. Farhat asked me why I was worried, and I said that stress is the only familiar feeling right now, so I will cling to it so help me God! There were a few glitches during the event but thanks to ever-ready sisters, all went smoothly. The singing and dancing was not much, but that was expected since Sarwar's family is not as outgoing as ours. Still, we had a grand time in the days before the mehendi, so no disappointments or anything.

A lot of my wedding day was spent at the salon and on the stage and in front of a photographer so the brides-eye-view of the experience isn't as complete as everyone elses. Still, some memories:

1. Shadi make-up was thankfully not garish and actually turned out quite awesome. Unfortunately, no amount of contouring can change the fact that I have a face the shape of a beachball and cheeks that will only swell with a smile. Hence, I look like a little round plum decked in kundan, in the digicam pictures.

2. Dammit the dress was heavy. I cannot express the relief at getting it off at 2AM. The makeup took 50mins to remove. I had 26 hairpins in my head. Not too bad, considering I removed 42 on the night of the valima.

3. Post-wedding backcombing is evil and destroys your hair. It made me look like Bjork on steroids.

4. Bummer that Sarwar and I got stuck with the portraits for so long we missed greeting half the guests at the wedding.

5. My sisters looked SUPER. So did my Dad (whose voice broke as I said "qubool hai" three times). Amma looked like she could be a bride that day too. I hope no one got confused why she wasn't on the stage with Sarwar, who looked quite yummy himself. His turban got a bit squished though, I think.

6. As I said "qubool hai" my mother kept hissing "say *ji* qubool hai". Like it matters! FYI: the whole nikaah was done on microphone and stage in public (well I was behind a screen at the time) so the video will have my squeaky "qubool hai's" goonjing thru the hall. Bugger.

I did not cry during the nikah! Ha! Actually, I almost did, as I heard the Urdu translations of the marriage contract that I was going to agree to, though honestly I can no longer remember what was said (too much adrenalin numbs the brain), but then I stopped myself to avoid becoming a cliche.

In retrospect, I think I may have behaved too scriptedly, so much so that I can't remember feeling anything, just being concerned about next steps and what happens next, and what I do next, and who I see next. Perhaps I should have cried and allowed myself the emotion. To this day I can't honestly say how I feel about any of this. It will probably take some time to sink in I suppose. I'm still a little disoriented. Yesterday, when Sarwar and I came back to his apartment I was very confused because I couldn't remember what boxes my things were packed in, where I was, what I was doing there and how all of this fit in to the general scheme of life. I've been so focused on getting things done - the mehendi, the wedding, the valima, the last minute dashes before leaving, getting used to the sasuraal, and finally packing to leave - that I don't really have any feelings about it all. People have asked me all day at work today, so how do you feel? All I can say is, tired. And exhausted. I hope this passes with time.

The five days at the sasuraal post-wedding were tres interesting. One learns so much from simply watching people in their own milieu. Well, such observations are kept to oneself but rest assured, I am five days wiser after the wedding than I was before it.

Sarwar's grandma definitely deserves mention though. Dadi was visiting from Bihar, and at 81, the woman is quite a force of nature. Throughly diabetic, she refuses to take insulin injections and demands her meetha after every meal. Mum-in-law informed me that to avoid upsetting her I should wear bangles every day since a bride cannot look barren. Dadi did produce very cute nuggets of concern and love, though. When Sarwar's sister and brother in law were leaving, she concernedly asked "nashta bandha hai ka?". And when we told her we'd sleep on the flight, she said "baithke kahe sote ho?", quite sure that nobody could sleep sitting upright. I think the high blood sugar knocked a lot of her energy out of her by the time I showed up so she didn't say much to me, but I wish I could have heard her talking a lot more 'cos it seemed so sweet and quaint :D

The valima went well. The makeup wasn't as good as the shadi day, but the dress was exceedingly more comfortable and light, so it all balanced out. I smiled and salaam'ed countless people from Sarwar's past and might I add that quite a lot of people called me "bahot pyari" and said Sarwar and I made a very cute couple ;) *toot toot*

Also made a faux pas. While trying to explain to Dad about the plan for the next day (it was Nikhat's birthday) I told him "hum aapke ghar aayeinge". Now I didn't really mean AAPKE ghar, as in, it's your house now, and not mine anymore. I was saying it to clarify since I was staying at Sarwar's house AT THE TIME, and hence found it easier to refer to it in the possessive sense, while referring to my pre-wedding home as Papa's. Get it? Argh, well anyway, it got Papa upset because he thought I was rejecting home, and moving on, and didn't love anyone anymore (I'm sure these rapid and extreme feelings went thru his head in exactly this order) and then I got upset and then Sarwar got upset. Sigh. Oh well. At least the food was awesome :D

So anyway now we're back. The flight was looooooooooooooooong. 7 hours from Dubai to Zurich, 6 hours in Zurich and 10.5 bloody hours to Chicago. MIND NUMBING. Am totally exhausted and actually will leave now to go home since am achieving nothing and writing this blog has made me even more pooped than I was before. Hmpft!

Will add a link to pics shortly.

Mrs. Raza.

Note to self: must stop being instantly attracted to the word "bridal" everywhere I go.