Worst Social Occasion.. Ever

I hate Baby Showers. The whole concept behind them is just weird and uncomfortable and gross. Women make me awkward as it is, so I wouldn't want to be stuck with a whole bunch of them for an entire evening, hearing war stories about how this person's water broke, and how this person was in labor for 12 hours, discussing intimate details about people's bodily functions, and having conversations which include words like placenta, va-jay-jay, and epidural. And I really don't want to play stupid games about "Ooh look who's baby is born first when this creepy plastic baby melts out of the ice cube it has been incarcerated in to simulate a uterus."

OK I'm gonna have a baby (someday), thanks for your good wishes, but it's a very private matter that's for me, my husband and my family, and I don't need metaphoric amniotic fluid in my drinking glasses, thank you very much.

Plus, the baby isn't even born yet, so what's to celebrate? Yes, I'll need lots of gear when the baby arrives, and if you really want to give me gifts to help me out, that's awesome. I'll set up a registry and they can come to me in the mail. I'll even send you a thank you card. But do we really need to have a big estrogen-fueled giggle-bash to give someone a diaper genie?

Of course, I have no aversion to parties, and I certainly don't need an excuse to eat cake - and God knows that pregnant women deserve all the sugar they can lay their hands on.

But baby showers, by definition, are intellectually stupidifying, socially awkward, and only reinforce the indulgent, giggly, feminine, "look-at-me-I'm-special-cos-my-eggs-work" woman stereotype that makes me want to throw up.