A sad end.

My friend Shabbi's mother passed away in her sleep, on Friday, July 14th at Zuhr time (12:15pm), finally beaten down by her cancer.

Inna lillahe wa inna ilaihi rajeoon (Lo! We are Allah's and Lo! unto Him we are returning).

The funeral is today in Indiana. Strange to think that when her rooh was created at the beginning of time, Allah (swt) took the sand from Indiana to make her, because that is where she will be buried.

I have not talked to Shabbi yet. Yesterday when I got the email announcing his mother's passing, I cried and cried. I don't know why. I had never met his mother. I wasn't selfishly crying at the thought of "Oh my god, this could happen to me and my mom". I wasn't crying to pretend like I cared about him. I honestly don't know why I felt so sad.

Perhaps it was because of the futility of his struggle to raise money to save her, or the stoic way he announced it on his blog, or because I couldn't believe that the most happy-go-lucky person in the world had to go through such an excruciating experience to finally grow up. Maybe it was just because I knew my friend was in pain and I couldn't do anything to fix it. I'm surprised by my own affection for him, I thought being out of touch and out of mind really meant out of heart - but I guess not.

I couldn't muster the courage to speak to him. I knew that if he sounded stoic, I would cry more on the phone and then make him miserable. And I knew that if he was crying too, my crying would not help.

So instead I called a mutual friend, Hasan, and cried to him and asked him to call Shabbi and give my condolences. But Hasan felt too scared too, so he promised he'll call another mutual friend and have him pass condolences from both of us! Chicken.

This mutual friend is the one who send the mass emails announcing Shabbi's mother's death and arrangements for her funeral. He used to be Shabbi's roommate and my ex love interest, now he's a maulvi with a foot long beard who hasn't been in touch with either Shabbi or me for ages. Shabbi was too un-Islamic for his company, and I, well, I'm female. Still, I'm happy to see him supporting Shabbi so much and leaving petty squabbles behind. I hope their friendship is restored over this.

At some point I will call him. I only hope that because I don't call, he doesn't feel that I didn't know, didn't care or didn't bother.

May Allah (swt) bless his mother's soul with peace.