What's in a name?

So I was wondering why my online identity has stabilized into 'Suhaani'. I don't think I've ever gone this long without changing a nick - it's been over a year and a half. Perhaps the other most stable nick I had was 'xinu' for about two years in college, and then Papitay, which was my nick for about two years as well. But Papitay was during those fun mIRC days when the wackiest nick got the most attention. After giving that up and migrating permanently to MSN, I decided a nick that was more related to my real name would be a mature step forward. Not to mention pretty much every single person at Northwestern called me xinu. And so it was.

But Suhaani? What's the reasoning behind that? The name isn't funny or real, and for a fictitious name, it's stuck around far longer than I expected it to.

For those who don't know, I got the name from the movie 'Saathiya'. The principal character, played by Rani Mukherji, is called Suhani Sharma. While I can't claim to have much in common with Suhani - we spell our names differently, she was a serious med student who played hard to get, while I was a crazy film student who fell in and out of love on a regular basis - there was something about her that clicked with me.

The love story in the film was quite unique because it was actually subtle, somewhat realistic and honestly made you want to fall in love. Not to mention, the music was beautiful. It also became the theme movie for myself and my ex, because we saw Suhani and Aditya (Vivek Oberoi) in ourselves quite a lot.

Typically, I very quickly became obsessed with the film. I bought the video and watched parts of it every day - especially the 11minute sequence of romantic banter that starts with the Aye Udi Udi song after Suhani and Aditya get married. I had it all down pat. Something about every scene in that 11minute sequence was a carbon copy of myself and my ex. It was uncanny.

I didn't used to like Rani very much (I'm a traditional 90's kid - my faves are Madhuri, Juhi, Karisma, and Kajol.. none of this Kareena, Priyanka crap for me) , but after Saathiya I really began paying attention to her. Something about Suhani jerked me from inside and reminded me of what I wished I was like, or actually was deep down. Something about her motivations, insecurities, attitude rang a bell in my head. I still can't put my finger on it. It was.. something.

And so I decided to pick up the name Suhaani. Interestingly, I have kept the name and the identity way after breaking up with that ex. I'm glad to realize that my association and fondness for the name didn't come from my association with him, and us, and the movie. I confess I haven't seen the film since we broke up, and I avoid the songs too, because they are filled with too many painful memories. But I still like being Suhaani. It's a pretty, delicate name. I'm not a very feminine person, maybe that's why I like it. It's my claim to womanhood! (Feminists, draw your swords!)

Well, anyway, that's why I like being Suhaani. It has nothing to do with being 'chaibiscuit' either, but hey life's no fun without a million identities and aliases and nicks right? :)