I am easily the saddest person I know.

I look at Naseeb. I read people's blogs. Heck, I just see the away messages of random people on my IM lists. Everyone has so many friends. Good, real, decent friends, who care about them, talk to them, send them presents, love them for who they are, support them in times of need, actually miss their physical presence and come out and say it. Everyone has memories - of childhood, of parents and grand-parents, and college roommates. Everyone has war stories and private dirt, everyone made good of their years in university and drained them to the last drop.

And then there's me. All alone. No one to tie me to any past from anywhere. No one place, no one person. I have more ex-friends than people have best friends. Most of my photographs include people that I can't look at without feeling a deep sense of loss. I have no one who remembers me or gives a damn where I got to. It's like I never impacted anyone or anything before, as if I've been invisible my whole life and passed through time and space without denting an atom. I've drifted from school to school, country to country, group to group, and no one stuck on.

Always the social misfit, always the butt of everyone's jokes, always two steps behind everyone, always putting my foot in my mouth, always realizing at the last minute what I should have been doing all along to make sure I'd fit in.

Never in the class video, never in the group photo, never asked to come along, never able to say "Sorry, I'm busy", never able to prove just how much I could do, never in the clubs and organizations that I could have revolutionized.

Always in the shadows, aching to be in the spotlight, never having the courage to step forward, and never invited either.

Sadly, as I look over my past, I'm flooded with regrets and 'shouldves'. Should've said that, done that, worn that; gone there, raised my hand there, kept my mouth shut there.

You know when you write an email bitching about someone and hit the "Send" button instead of "Cancel" and as soon as you click your mouse you realize "Oh shit, I shouldn't have done that"? That's how I feel about my life.

Yup, I'm the saddest person I know.